introspara

while reading this listen to i wish i knew by bill evans.

not knowing is one of the most uncanny feelings i’ve ever felt. something bothers me greatly about this feeling. especially whenever it’s something that i used to know. whenever i try to recollect old things not much surfaces. maybe it’s my lack of clear memory, maybe it’s my brain trying to block it out, i’m not really sure.

nothing really seems to fill this great expanse of nescience. questions are the only thing that ever seem to permeate that area. obvious questions fill the air like…

• what do you do with yourself now?
• how are you finding life?
• do you enjoy your life?
• do you have any new hobbies?

or more selfishly, do you still think about me? is it foolish to question that? am i a fool for wanting to know? why do i still want to know these things whenever i’m in a much better situation and i don’t want anything to do with you? oh well, i guess i’ll never know. thank you for reading,

i often find myself in the morning looking through instagram or twitter about things that ultimately have no affect on my life. obviously sooner or later i do end up shifting my weight out of bed. but that first 30 minutes of my day is unconsciously partitioned for doomscrolling.

for some reason i find it hard to get out of bed the moment i wake up. not because i want to go back to sleep (although sometimes this does happen) but rather i just want to relax and do something mind-numbing. this want to turn to something superficial in my life is a huge problem for me. especially as a creative.

creatively, i would like to work on and produce a lot of different projects in my life. but sometimes my superficial desires take the wheel and just drive with my mental psyche taking the passenger seat, or sometimes worse the backseat. whether or not i enjoy these morning endeavors, there is something that is irrefutable about these times. they are ultimately. fruitless.

up until about a week ago i haven’t read a fiction book in who knows how long. i mostly read non-fiction/self-help books because i thought they would make me a well-rounded person. i started viewing life from an objective perspective, and while i do feel as if i’ve made some strides in that direction. i might have taken a step or two back in other aspects of my life.

one thing that has been on my mind while i’m reading, is the lack of awareness i have of my surroundings. i realise that though it may not be healthy to over-romanticise my life and things going on around me. i still feel a lack of awareness towards those things. i may have even taken them for granted.

today i want to focus more on what is going on around me and make note of things that i find interesting/beautiful/serene. maybe you should try that too. thank you for reading,

ambition is the first word that i think of whenever i think of a kid on a brisk christmas morning. there is nothing more ambitious than a kid twiddling his thumbs on christmas morning while longing for the sun to rise so they could catch sight of whatever they discover under the tree.

this is the same exact feeling that i happen to be feeling at the moment about my new blog. and like a toy gets played with for a couple days, weeks, maybe even months, eventually this too, will be forgotten. just an omen of my past. like a distant memory it will once become, and soon forgotten. interesting how ambition works.

but let’s hope not! i hope this becomes something monumental in my life, but id rather not get ahead of myself. anyways, i guess i just have to take it one day at a time. thank you for reading,

hello. my name is kaison and i have decided to start a blog mainly for myself because i want to get better at writing things and understanding my own brain and my own creative process. I don’t do too much writing at the moment, but i would like to start doing it a lot more.

the main focus of this blog will be trying to understand universal truths about myself and the world. everything going forward will not necessarily follow a certain format but will most likely be pretty simple ideas and thoughts that i just happen to be pondering.

i hope to continue this for as long as possible and maybe one day have a great catalogue of blogs to go back and read one day. thank you if you are interested in this.